The wisdom of the cacti
Warning: This story is about suffering. It is raw, dark and heart-breaking. I choose to share it as I have spent much time reflecting on the lessons this brief yet impactful encounter has afforded me. It is difficult enough to learn how to weave our practice into daily life when we are annoyed at the small stuff, but how do we practice when something really terrible happens …
On my recent trip to Tucson, Arizona for an Anusara workshop, I experienced one of the most challenging and uncomfortable moments of my life in a shuttle ride from the airport to my destination. Amidst the enthusiastic travelers and friendly Arizonians, I sat beside a woman who had tragically lost her young daughter and, in her words, had given up the will to live. She cried during the entire trip as she shared her story and asked the lord to take her life. She was experiencing her suffering so deeply that she was unable to see outside of it. My heart felt heavy with sadness for her and I felt sick that I didn’t know how to help. I could sense that other travelers in the van shared my feelings of helplessness.
When it came to this lady’s stop we all said good-bye and offered her blessings. After a couple moments of somber silence the energy of the van gently shifted to an expression of gratitude. The people in the shuttle bonded only by the intensity of the situation started to share the blessings in their life.
I have spent much time contemplating the lessons of this shuttle ride. Though it isn’t possible for me to fully understand this woman’s pain, I do know suffering. I think we all do. The more I practice the more I understand that suffering is a choice. Painful things will happen often in our life (this we cannot choose) but we choose to be consumed by the pain or open up to life outside of that pain. We awaken when we choose to see the beauty around us even when we find ourselves in a dark place. We awaken when we choose to live through the sadness rather than trying to push it away or escape it. We awaken when we remember that we have everything inside that we need to discover peace, joy and freedom in this embodiment. We awaken when we choose to receive the support that surrounds us. Ultimately these choices require a significant amount of effort. Naturally we will forget our awakening and fall back into times of darkness and suffering. Nothing is static. The play of the universe is that it pulsates. The darker moments are grand opportunities to grow and evolve so that we can more fully experience the light.
During my last class at Yoga Oasis in Tucson it started to rain and everyone started cheering. Most Toronto yogis would not yield the same response. Tucson’s celebration of the rain was a reminder that everything can be a blessing. It is often just the way we choose to look at it…
Maybe this women’s blessing was the 9 years she spent with her beautiful daughter. Perhaps it will be the strength she taps into to live. Perhaps it will be a new bond she cultivates with her surviving daughter. Is it fair? No. However, the way she chooses to work with this pain will affect her wellbeing and those who are close to her. I realize that it is a lot easier for me to write this than for her to live it. I share my reflections in hopes that wherever you find suffering in your life, you can also remind yourself to open up to the light that is also in your life. This is the practice. When it is hardest to breathe we remind ourselves to breathe, when life is darkest we remember the light, when we lose ourselves in the regrets of the past or the anxieties of our future, we invite ourselves into the present moment. Over and over again. As many times as we need to.
There have been times in my life when I never believed my heart would heal only to eventually discover it was stronger and more capable to receive love than I had ever imagined possible.
Wishing all beings freedom from suffering.
Love Christi-an
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